We’ve been married for almost 10 years. We don’t argue. We don’t raise our voices. We always say “please” and “thank you.” To the outside world, we’re calm. Functional. Peaceful.

But I feel like I’m slowly disappearing.

My wife (34F) is kind. Polite. She doesn’t cheat, she doesn’t yell, she never embarrasses me. But she doesn’t see me either. Not really.

There are entire weeks where I feel like a roommate.
We exchange logistics — groceries, dentist appointments, dinner ideas — but that’s it.
She rarely asks me how I’m feeling.
She doesn’t touch me unless I initiate it.
And even then, sometimes she just gently pulls away, like it’s too much.

The sex stopped being fun years ago. It became a routine — a chore, an obligation. Now it’s maybe once every two months, and even then, it feels more like maintenance than passion.

I’ve tried talking to her. She always listens. She always says, “I’m sorry you feel that way.”
But nothing changes.

Sometimes I test things. I leave something in the open just to see if she’ll ask about it. I try to bring up something that matters to me, just to see if she’ll engage. Usually, she doesn’t.

It’s like I’m not married to a person, but to a quiet, efficient system.

I know what you might say — go to therapy, communicate more, work on it.
And I have. I’ve tried.

But how do you fix something that isn’t broken — just empty?

The worst part is, I miss her… even while living next to her every day.

And I ask myself constantly:
Is this what people mean by “growing apart”?
Am I being selfish? Or am I just mourning a closeness that used to exist?

I haven’t told anyone this. Not even friends.
Because what would I say?

That I want to leave a marriage where nothing is technically wrong?

Or that I’m just so unbearably lonely in a life that looks good from the outside?