I just found out my husband talks to his ex every single Thursday night — and has been doing so for over six months. I had no idea. No warning signs, no strange behavior, nothing to suggest that he was reconnecting with a woman he used to love.
It happened by accident. I was looking through our shared phone bill to check if we’d been charged twice for roaming. That’s when I noticed the same number appearing over and over — always on Thursday evenings, always around 8:15 PM, always for about 45 minutes.
My stomach dropped.
I Googled the number. It didn’t take much digging to confirm it was her — Emily, the woman he dated for five years before he met me. The same Emily he once described as “the closest thing to a soulmate I’ve ever had.”
I didn’t confront him right away. Instead, I waited. The next Thursday, I pretended to go out for yoga as usual. I sat in my car down the street and watched the house. Sure enough, the lights in his office went on at 8:10. The door closed. And he talked. For 50 minutes.
I couldn’t hear him, but I didn’t have to. I knew.
It’s not just that my husband talks to his ex — it’s that he never told me.
I can understand people staying friends with exes. I’m not naive. But this wasn’t friendship. This was hiding. A scheduled, weekly ritual that was deliberately kept from me.
When I finally confronted him, he didn’t deny it. He looked ashamed, but also… defensive.
“It’s not like that,” he said.
“She’s going through a hard time. I’m just being there for her.”
I asked him if he loved her. He paused.
“Not in the way I love you,” he said.
And that pause — just a few seconds — destroyed me.
Am I Overreacting?
I’m torn. Part of me wants to believe him. Maybe he really is just being supportive. Maybe I should admire his empathy. But another part of me feels betrayed. Wouldn’t anyone be hurt if their spouse maintained weekly secret calls with an ex?
He swears it’s innocent. But if it is, why hide it?
What Now?
I don’t know what to do next.
He offered to stop the calls, but he didn’t seem happy about it. It felt like I was taking something from him. And now, every time he’s on his phone, I wonder who he’s texting. Every Thursday, I feel sick to my stomach.
Our trust is fractured. And I’m left wondering: can a marriage survive something like this?
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